Whelp. Got my $250 spandex suit for my Birdy costume but because my boyfriend said he didn’t want to go to Dragon*Con a few weeks ago, I didn’t bother spending time to make everything else I needed for the costume. Now, he MIGHT want to drive to Atlanta on Wednesday for the con.
Ever since we got back from Vegas and the Trek convention, he’s been a real ass. Today, he got pissed because I bought dog food on the way home from work because they were almost out and they’re getting boarded this week…so, ya know, I thought they might need food. Silly me. He thought there was another bag in the garage. There wasn’t. But he says there was and I must have given it to a friend at work.
I think working from home has made him weird in the head. He needs to get out and be around people…he needs to interact with people. Not sure if that will make him a nice person, because he’s a HUGE DICK lately. He gets so bluntly rude with people that I just have to walk away. Maybe he’s just always been an asshole and the last few years I’ve really noticed it. I dunno.
But now…we are no longer financially tied to one another. We have eliminated most of our debt…he has the house and a car. I have zero debt and whatever is in my checking account is what I gots. I have made myself clear that if he doesn’t back the fuck off, I’m out. He knows what buttons to push and I try so hard to not let it get to me but when it gets too much I just rage. RAGE. And it ain’t pretty. And it’s been going on for weeks.
I dont know what to do. He tells me *I* should go see a doctor. Yeah, the raging is a little much…but he perpetuates it. I’ve even asked him to give me a few minutes, I’m reaching critical mass, please just back off and he never does. I think I’ll end up breaking my hand when I punch a wall or slam it down on the granite counter. I’ll break some toes when I kick something. We started arguing while I was cutting veggies one night and all I could think about was thunking that knife right in my arm.
I just dont what to do anymore. I feel lost sometimes. I hate the way that he is and how he has made me. I think I just want to be alone for a really long time.
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